Dating and Hooking Up

Although John Harris and his fellow anti-daters make a strong argument that dating is practice for divorce, I believe that, while serial dating may pose such problems, the general system of informal dating is not necessarily faulted. Proposing a return to a more formal system of dating aimed a determining suitability for marriage, the anti-daters ultimately argue that matrimony should be the sole focus of dating. However, like authors Donna Freitas and Jason King, I understand dating to encompass a great deal more than simply a suitor test. Through dating, we can learn about ourselves, our identity, our virtues, and our vices. In dating, we see the values we find in all human relationships. As we open ourselves up to another person, we can grow and change as individuals. In addition, I share Freitas and King's sentiments in denouncing the anti-daters' assumption that dating is all about sex. While I do believe that sex is more meaningful if saved for marriage, I do not think that dating and premarital sex must always be intertwined. Dating is more about self-discovery, compassion, and mutual growth than it is physical gratification.

However, while dating explores more complex themes, the hook-up culture encourages just that--instant sexual and physical gratification. Unlike dating relationships, hook-ups promote one-time tete-a-tetes that are physically intimate but emotionally shallow. In addition, the definition of a hook-up varies by age and by person. Among high school students, hooking up generally involves little more than deep kissing and physical affection. However, in colleges and universities, hooking up can mean everything from deep kissing to sexual intercourse to oral sex. Among my generation, hook ups also almost always involve alcohol. While such behavior can be exciting for some people, drunken, empty, one-night-stands fail to provide any emotional fulfillment. Although the dating system is not necessarily focused on marriage, the hook-up culture is not even focused on relationships.

A Love Story

Although I have always admired my parents and found their relationship to be incredibly tender, I have developed an even greater respect for them. Throughout my life, I have viewed my mother and my father primarily as parents, however, after hearing them speak candidly about their relationship, I now recognize more of their individuality and see them in a different light. From their story, I learned not only about them, but also about relationships in general. In the media, romantic relationships are highly dramatized and exaggerated. Jewelry commercials, for example, relate every aspect of a romance to jewelry, for example, "every kiss begins with Kay" and that Tiffany blue, thus conveying the idea that the price of a jewelry piece indicates the amount of love. Another grave offender is the bridal industry, made famous by the show "Say Yes to the Dress," which convinces women that the cost, fit, and style of their gowns will decide the fate of their marriage. My parents will be celebrating their 19th anniversary this year, a fact ironic considering that my father proposed without a ring and they held their reception in a small, empty house. Understanding what is truly important, my parents have always valued practicality and have taught me to see beyond the artificiality disseminated by the media.

However, music has generally told a different tale. Although many popular and rap songs promote an image of superficial romance, there has been a growing trend in music as artists choose to explore the real ups and downs of love rather than produce superficial videos. One song, in particular, "You'll Never Walk Alone," challenges the modern media portrayals of love and relationships. Although it is an older song, it is performed regularly by top singers all across the world. Its lyrics are simple, yet its message is powerful. Just like my parents have committed themselves to supporting one another in times of difficulty, working together to care for my diabetic brother, ""You'll Never Walk Alone" advocates selfless dedication and glorifies the resiliency of love. Promising their lover that they will never be abandoned to face the "storm," "dark," "wind", or "rain," alone, the speaker of the piece demonstrates that a lasting and fulfilling relationship, like that of my parents, is not based on jewelry or dresses, but rather empathy, compassion, and unwavering companionship.