Dating and Hooking Up

Although John Harris and his fellow anti-daters make a strong argument that dating is practice for divorce, I believe that, while serial dating may pose such problems, the general system of informal dating is not necessarily faulted. Proposing a return to a more formal system of dating aimed a determining suitability for marriage, the anti-daters ultimately argue that matrimony should be the sole focus of dating. However, like authors Donna Freitas and Jason King, I understand dating to encompass a great deal more than simply a suitor test. Through dating, we can learn about ourselves, our identity, our virtues, and our vices. In dating, we see the values we find in all human relationships. As we open ourselves up to another person, we can grow and change as individuals. In addition, I share Freitas and King's sentiments in denouncing the anti-daters' assumption that dating is all about sex. While I do believe that sex is more meaningful if saved for marriage, I do not think that dating and premarital sex must always be intertwined. Dating is more about self-discovery, compassion, and mutual growth than it is physical gratification.

However, while dating explores more complex themes, the hook-up culture encourages just that--instant sexual and physical gratification. Unlike dating relationships, hook-ups promote one-time tete-a-tetes that are physically intimate but emotionally shallow. In addition, the definition of a hook-up varies by age and by person. Among high school students, hooking up generally involves little more than deep kissing and physical affection. However, in colleges and universities, hooking up can mean everything from deep kissing to sexual intercourse to oral sex. Among my generation, hook ups also almost always involve alcohol. While such behavior can be exciting for some people, drunken, empty, one-night-stands fail to provide any emotional fulfillment. Although the dating system is not necessarily focused on marriage, the hook-up culture is not even focused on relationships.